field-trip!

This afternoon wasn't as hot as normal so Katherine and I decided it was the perfect day to surprise the kiddos with an outing!  Once we arrived in the village we let them know that we would be taking them on a walk.  They instantly got SUPER excited and rushed off to bathe and find clothes and sandals for the trip.  After everyone was dressed we started the walk to campus so everyone could play on the playground.  The children who are in school have played on the playground before but this was a huge first for all the younger kids.  I'm sure everyone that passed us on the road thought we were crazy- it isn't everyday you pass a couple white girls and their 14 children.  Watching the kids discover something completely new was so much fun.  They were simply able to play which allowed their personalities to shine.  I considered the event a huge success because we didn't loose any of the kids and were able to return all the children to their parents safely.  Katherine said it was literally like herding cats all the while repeatedly doing head counts to 14.  And the kids have already asked about visiting the playground again tomorrow so clearly they approved of the adventure!

Katherine and the girls

Davidson looks so grown up!

a little baby girl

Erlange and Thierry

On Monday Katherine and I took a visiting team to the village.  As we were walking around Chambrun visiting several of the families, the children told us that Erlange had her baby that morning.  I have watched Erlange's belly grow over the last nine months and have been so excited to meet this little baby.  We eventually made it to her home and were quickly invited inside to meet the newest resident of Chambrun.  As I made my way to the back of her small mud home I tried to focus on not tripping.  All of the windows in the home were closed so I couldn't see a thing, and it literally felt like I stepped into a sauna.  Erlange was laying in the bed and next to her was the most beautiful little baby girl.  Erlange looked exhausted and yet amazing for having just birthed a little girl in her home six hours before we arrived.  The little girl had the chubbiest little cheeks and was adorable.  Her big brother Thierry ran around outside and was so excited to tell us all about his sister. 

Tuesday I went again to visit them and found Erlange looking more rested.  She told me the baby had a fever and that she was planning on bringing the baby to the clinic tomorrow morning.  I talked with her about removing some of the layers of clothing and hats that the baby had on, and maybe opening a window to allow a breeze to enter the home.  Many new moms will wear multiple layers of clothing (pants, skirt, tshirt, sweater, head scarf, socks-all at one time) in order to prevent themselves from getting sick and passing it on to the baby.  The new babies are bundled with multiple layers too.  Other than the reported fever, the new little girl was breastfeeding well and according to her momma seemed to be doing well.  Big brother Thierry even gave his new little baby sister a kiss which was so cute to watch.

Wednesday morning as Katherine and I triaged patients, we anxiously waited to see Erlange pass through the clinic with the baby. We couldn't wait to learn her name and hold her again. As we finished the first round of triage, one of the children from the village popped into the clinic and told us the baby had died around 7p.m. night before.  I stood there shocked as one of our co-workers who lives in Chambrun confirmed the story. Instantly I was overwhelmed with sadness for Erlange.  She carried this beautiful baby girl for nine months, delivered her in their home, and already loved her very much.  I knew she was broken and hurting.  After talking to some of the other women I found out that Erlange had previously lost another little girl before she'd had Thierry.  My heart broke for this momma and her family.

When I visited the home for the third time this week, I was greeted with hugs from the family. But this time there was a deep sadness in their eyes.  I found Erlange resting inside the home.  As I knelt down beside her I noticed the tears that were pooling in her eyes.  She softly said, "The baby died just a few hours after you left Tuesday."  I held her hand and told her that I loved her. I told her that while I had only known the baby for two days, I loved her daughter very much too.  I told her I was praying for her.

At times it seems like all the odds are stacked against all the women I meet.  I see them walking around with their pregnant bellies and I wonder if they will be able to afford to deliver in the hospital.  I wonder if some of the women will even be healthy enough to survive the labor.  Who will support these women? Who will hold their hands when the pain begins and who will help them when they struggle to breastfeed?  And when the unthinkable happens, I wonder who will be there to hold these mothers as they cry tears for their child who has died?  There was no funeral service for Erlange's baby girl. She wasn't even given a name before she was buried near their home.

I started this week praying that Erlange would have the needed physical strength to recover from her delivery and to care for her newborn daughter.  I was excited at the thoughts of seeing this little girl grow and develop her own little personality and voice.  Wednesday my prayers changed for this family.  I now pray that Erlange would feel loved, and that she would be given the space and time to mourn the death of her daughter. Most importantly, I pray that she will cling to Jesus for the strength she needs right now, and that she will feel His arms around her.

family

Davidson, Dania (mom), and Daniella

Haitian proverb:

"Se anpil dlo ki lave kay te- It takes a lot of water to wash a mud hut." 

(It can be difficult to change ones ways.) 

There is something that most people who visit here would probably never guess.  I used to dread visits to the village.  When Aubree, E'tienne, or Leslee would suggest walking to the village in the afternoon, I simply would go along out of obligation.  I was overwhelmed with the language, I didn't know very many people, and honestly the culture just confused me.  I loved holding and playing with the kiddos but after 15-20 minutes I was ready to leave.  I typically left angry and frustrated.  I didn't understand what I saw and I didn't understand the dynamics of the families that we visited.  

I remember when Davidson was a little baby.  When I visited the village I would find him sitting outside of his house naked and covered in mud.  Typically he was crying and just appeared to be hungry.  When I scooped him up he would cuddle in and fall asleep.  He lived in his grandmothers home along with his mother (Dania) and sister (Daniella).  After a few months his mother, sister, and him were all kicked out of the home because his mother wasn't feeding them or caring for them.  Several months later we started to hear about how sick Davidson was.  How he was puking acid and how his entire body was swollen.  In January of 2012 his grandmother took him and his sister back into her home.  It was then that he started to come to the clinic each morning, we'd spend the day taking care of him, and each evening we would walk him back to the village.  

Davidson and his grandmother

I don't remember exactly what day but it was, but one of these trips God caused me to feel at home in the village.  In the beginning I was very firm with myself at setting limits about how emotionally vulnerable I would be with this family.  I would support them and encourage them, but I would not fall in love with this family.  I would not allow myself to be hurt by this family or dream of simply running off with Davidson and making him my own.  I proceeded to visit this family each and every day and little by little, He started to break my heart for them.  Little by little He started to heal the anger I felt towards this family.  I wish I could say that I always thought kind thoughts about Davidson's family, that I trusted them, or always treated them with respect.  I didn't.  It wasn't easy loving them.  Loving them meant flipping every definition I had of family upside down.  Loving them meant removing each and every brick around my heart.  And loving them meant I had to allow God to heal the anger I felt towards them.  I had to learn to love them in their brokenness.  I couldn't change them but I could walk beside them.  

It was during one of these visits that I became a part of their family.  I don't know when it happened, but somewhere I changed from setting personal boundaries to literally jumping in head first.  I started to see this family in a new light and I realized just how much they were really fighting for each other.  I watched as his grandmother would divide a small piece of bread between Davidson, his sister, and her other granddaughter who also lived in her home.  I watched as she lovingly held Davidson as he napped.  I rejoiced with them when he learned to walk and as he started to talk.  Each and every afternoon Davidson would literally come running to greet me.  My heart broke when his cousin and other people would tell me that he didn't run to greet Dania (Davidson's mother).  Dania would visit occasionally but not enough for him to see her as his mother.  

Daniella

One afternoon Daniella (Davidson's sister) whispered a secret into my ear.  Davidson and Daniella's mother was pregnant.  I left the village defeated.  I couldn't talk about her pregnancy and cried for a week.  It was then that I realized I was still angry with Dania.  I was angry at her for not feeding Davidson for days on end.  I was angry that she quit him.  And most of all I was angry that she held the title I wanted so badly for this boy of "mother."  I didn't understand how I could be so angry towards someone that had created two of the children I loved so deeply.  God started to show me that it wasn't my place to judge Dania or to proclaim what she was doing right and wrong.  It wasn't my job to mentally calculate how impossible it would be to divide the resources for yet another mouth that would need to be fed and a body that would need to be clothed.  This wasn't my decision.  Jesus was once again simply calling me to love her.  And so I started to intentionally seek her out when I would see her in the village or on the road.  I would lovingly tease her about the new baby and I tried to spend extra time with her.  

In July, Dania delivered her third baby- a beautiful baby boy who after several weeks (and several different names) was officially given the name Woodensky.  He is perfect in every way.  I waited for three weeks to finally meet this little boy and oh was it worth it!  Dania was so excited to hand him to me and I simply sat and just stared at how perfect he was.  It was then that Dania told me something that truly spoke to my heart- she said, "My family told me you ask for me everyday. They said you ask about how I am doing and how the baby is doing."  Loving this family hasn't been easy.  Honestly, it's been really messy and some days it hurts a lot.  And yet, it is so beautiful.  

Daniella, Davidson, me, Woodensky.  I think I'm officially outnumbered!  

He has captured my heart already!

happy friday!!

Their faces just scream trouble! 

It's been extremely hot the last few weeks.  The kind of hot where you feel like you are literally going to melt hot.  Honestly it has been all I could do to keep the kiddos entertained and from teasing/hurting each other.  There is something about hot and humid weather that just leaves everyone a little more sensitive.  Most afternoons the kiddos and I sit huddled under any tree or piece of shade we can find.  I try to come up with "quiet" activities (or at least ones that don't cause us to sweat more!) like counting, learning colors, playing with rocks, and singing lots of songs.  This afternoon the kiddos were super excited when a merchant came walking by with a huge bag full of frozen popsicles!  They agreed to share with each other so I sent them off to the fence to make the big purchase and of course choose their favorite flavors.  Needless to say the frozen treat was a huge hit with all the children which made for a fun start to the weekend!  

Davidson wasn't going to waste a drop!

lemon shake-ups..haiti style!

(Photos taken by: Shelby Lamb)

All summer long I've seen facebook posts about how amazing the food has been at each and every county/state fair.  Some people are even kind enough to include pictures of the elephant ears, potato rings, fried veggies, and the list is nearly endless.  I try to be happy for each of you and excited that you are enjoying all these amazing treats but there is always this little part of me that is secretly drooling and wanting just one bite!  It wasn't until I was walking home from the village the other day that I realized I had a "county fair" experience right here in Haiti.  A older woman in the village gave the children a pile of sour orange halves.  The kiddos didn't care that these little orange bowls were already juiced or that they were really sour.  They were simply excited about their treat and that each of them had two!  They are all about sharing with me so I "got to" try each and every orange and oh were they tart.  After awhile I teased that they should put water in the little orange bowls.  The children immediately thought that I was brilliant (pays to have friends that are all 5 years old and younger!) and ran off in search of a house that had a full water bucket.  Even though the oranges made the water taste a little tart the children were literally gleaming with pride.  These Haitian style lemon shake-ups weren't quite as cold and sweet as they are at the fair but the fun I had in watching my little friends prepare them truly made them taste far better than any of the others I've ever had.  And they weren't nearly as expensive=)

more on letting go...

Photo taken by: Maya Laurent (www.mayalaurent.com)

"He has shown you, O man, what is good.  And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

Micah 6:8

When I first moved to Haiti I was planning to simply step out and take a break from my life in Indiana.  When I left I placed my car in storage, packed my belongings in rubber maid bins, and rented my home.  I was planning to return to that life.  After several months in Haiti I realized that God had a different plan for me and that His story for my life was far more than I could have ever dreamed or imagined.  For the last several months I've felt very anxious and overwhelmed at the "things" in my life and with trying to live in both Haiti and Indiana.  After lots of prayer and conversations with my family I decided it was time to let go of everything that wasn't part of me living in Haiti.  In a way that only God could orchestrate each and every detail was worked out perfectly.  Between my family and the Zachmann's my home was quickly cleaned and prepared to place on the market.  In just 24 hours the house had ten showings and a full price offer.  The reality of actually letting everything go has been hard because those things held lots of amazing memories.  Today my home in Indiana has a new owner and is no longer mine.  There really is no word to describe how I'm feeling right now and yet this life that He has called me to is so very right.  As emotionally crazy as this whole process has been it is also so freeing to know that I am no longer tied down to things and that I'm truly free to live and serve wherever He leads. 

kids will be kids!

All of my little friends love to take photos and recently they have found it even more entertaining to make videos.  They think it is absolutely hilarious to sing and dance for the camera!  Daniella (pink dress) and Kris (yellow dress) wanted to make a video of them talking to me.  Davidson is all boy and just recently decided that each and every situation calls for him to tackle anyone in his path.  Needless to say my initial idea of having a cute video of Daniella and Kris turned into complete chaos.  Love each of these little crazies! (translation for the video: let's talk, Anson (Davidson's other name) let them go, Davidson stop, lots of Davidson stop stop stop (ha!), Daniella and Kris tell me their names and how old they are)

just one more...

One of the most common modes of transportation in Haiti is the tap tap.  Tap taps are vehicles that run routes and operate similar to a taxi service.  People pay to ride the tap tap and they can choose to get off whenever they want.  Tap taps are known for being brightly painted with sketches of musicians or athletes and of course bible verses too.  There is a saying that in Haiti there is always room for one more. This saying proves to be completely true with the tap taps!  Personal space is for sure not even a thought as people, animals, and all sorts of supplies are crammed into the trucks and buses!  It isn't uncommon to see a tap tap with chickens tied to the side or goats hanging off the top and of course they are all alive.  When I ask my Haitian friends if it's dangerous to ride on the top of the trucks they just laugh and tell me not if you are used to it.  Looking at all the different tap tap's always makes for a fun trip to the market or just anywhere in general!

When the inside is full- feel free to add
things to the top and back!

letting go

For me this has been a season of learning to let go.  I've never been the person to necessarily want to live the "American dream" type of life but I've always had a picture in my mind of what I thought my life would look like.  When I first moved to Haiti my plan was to be here for one year.  God quickly made it clear to me that I would be here much longer.  I still felt "safe" with being here though because I had just enough ties connecting me to my old life in Indiana.  I still owned my house, car, and had plastic bins filled with things.  To me having all this "stuff" meant that eventually God would call me back to Indiana.  Back to that old life of living near my family and friends.  And maybe even more importantly to me, back to the life where I was physically, financially, and emotionally comfortable.  

Before moving to Haiti I read about poverty, knew the statistics, saw the pictures, and watched the news segments.  I had the head knowledge I thought I would need but my heart was so unprepared for what it truly meant to walk alongside those that I was called to serve.  I think part of me thought I would come here to help and to do the needed tasks.  Sure I would hold some cute babies in the process and maybe even learn some things culturally.  I knew it would be difficult but I didn't realize how much I would fall in love with those around me.  How much my heart would hurt for them.  They have become my family and friends so they are no longer just statistics to me or photos of random people.  Knowing them allows me to rejoice with them over baptisms, birthdays, and just normal everyday life.  Knowing them also means that I have an inside window into their hurt and struggles.  I have the opportunity to walk with them when life isn't easy and there appears to be no clear answers.  

Living here has changed me.  In so many ways I wish I could go back to my life before I moved to Haiti.  I wish I could fit back into life in the States but for at least now I know I can't.  I have realized that there was no way God was going to release my heart to leave Haiti in September as I had planned. In April I started to realize that God was also calling me to let go of the things that were "tying" me down to my old life in Indiana (more to come on this another time) and that He was preparing me for committing to another year of living in Haiti.  I'm surprised at how hard it has been to let go of the "things" and yet with each step I take it is both emotionally and physically freeing. 

I am now committed to serving with NVM in Haiti through September 2014.  As I prepare for my third year of serving in Haiti below are ways for you to remain connected and to continue to partner with me.  

*Prayer- I believe that it is only through God's call and prayer that I am able to live and serve here in Haiti.  I can't thank you enough for praying for me, the ministry I work for, and the people of Haiti.  

*Monthly support- to donate online http://www.nehemiahvisionministries.org/donationtype.aspx?t=missionaries and follow the steps.  Or you can go to www.nehemiahvisionministries.org and click (top left screen)  donate now and then select "missionary support" from here you will be able to select my name and fill in the remainder of the information.  You can also donate monthly by mailing a check to Debra Smalley (address in One-time gift).  Let me know if you have any questions!

*One-time gift- Please write all checks to Nehemiah Vision Ministries (tax deductible).  In the memo line write Intern 3 (my name can NOT be anywhere on the check) and mail to Debra Smalley 7014 W. Yant St., Silver Lake, IN.  46982.  To make a one-time gift online please follow instructions listed in "monthly support"- you will be able to select one-time gift.  

*Staying connected- For pictures and stories you can follow along through facebook and this blog.  Feel free to email me at brookes_00@yahoo.com for questions or to say hi!

I can't tell you just how much it means to me to know that you are on this journey with me- thank you for your prayers, support, and love as I continue to live and serve in Haiti!

worship

"Bless the Lord, O my soul

O my soul

Worship His holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship your holy name"

~10,000 Reasons, Matt Redman

One of the many things I love about the Haitians I serve with is that they sing as they work.  They don't just hum- they literally sing with all the strength they have in them.  It doesn't matter if they know all the words or if they have an amazing voice- they sing.  They sing out loud as they mop, prepare food, walk to the well for water, hand wash laundry, and the list is literally endless.  As I go about my days I find that He places songs on my heart.  Songs that speak to the brokenness and scream at the injustice.  The songs comfort and remind me that He is there and ultimately knows the bigger plan.  Life here is hard and it's not easy for me to be emotionally vulnerable or to really process things.  Over time the stories, faces, and moments- they add up.  I love how He is faithful and how He has chosen to speak to my heart.  When I sit and rock a toddler that is crying simply because he hasn't eaten.  When a two month old baby that weighs only 1.7 pounds is resting in my hands.  When I hear that hospital after hospital refuses to provide care for an infant because death is so near.  When eyes are empty and filled with such darkness.  When I can't come up with the words to even start a prayer- He places a song on my heart.  It's through a song that He reminds me of His goodness and sustains me in the moments I can't breathe.  It's in humming a song that He steadies my heart and hands to truly seek and serve Him.  

kites and cars

One of the things I love most about Chambrun is that there aren't toys and games scattered all over the place.  Most people would think it would be pretty depressing to see a child without the latest (insert name here) gadget and yet these kiddos are so creative and resourceful.  The children can take a pile of "trash" and turn it into treasures.  The little boys are known for making homemade kites and cars.  The kites are assembled with sticks, plastic bags (like Walmart bags that they tear), and random pieces of string tied together.  After hours of tedious and hard work the boys are beyond proud when their kites fly crazy high.  As a child I never remember being able to get my fancy store purchased kite off the ground--and their kites literally soar! 

Just recently I caught the boys making cars.  They loved showing them off to me and were really excited when I asked if I could take pictures of their cars!  They used everything from old plastic cartons, string, bottle caps, rocks, and so much more to assemble these cars.   They took such pride in their cars and worked so hard to make them.  It was fun to watch as the boys raced the cars up and down the dirt road. 

Seeking Him

"If you begin to live life looking for the God that is all around you, every moment becomes a prayer." Frank Bianco 

I haven't been able to get this quote out of my mind for the last several months.  And honestly, it couldn't be more true.  There have been so many moments lately where I have honestly had to mentally list where I see God in the event/story.  It's so easy to get lost in the daily tasks and busyness of life.  My prayer is that I'll take the time to stop and look for God.  That I won't get overwhelmed at the details and miss what He is already doing right in front of me.  Love the picture of having every moment as a prayer to Him.

Other ways to stay connected:
*In case you aren't on my newsletter mailing list (if you would like to be added to the list let me know!)- click on the link below to read more stories and see some super cute pictures of all my little friends!

http://www.ministryupdates.org/smalley

*For more pictures click on the link below.  You do not need to have a facebook account to see the photos!

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151398640175831.535019.529825830&type=1&l=0bc7d14df0

*Facebook:  Brooke Smalley

oh so beautiful!

Abaka Bay resort 

My days are usually spent working in the clinic and playing in the village.  At times it's easy for me to forget that I actually live on a Caribbean Island.  Several of my friends, that I live and serve with here at NVM, are transitioning back to the States in July.  We haven't traveled to any other parts in Haiti so we decided that a road-trip would be an excellent sort of last adventure together.  On Sunday we left Chambrun at a crazy hour of the morning to head towards Les cayes.  We then took a boat to Ile a Vache (translated- Island of Cows- and nope I didn't see any cows!) which is an island that is off the coast of Haiti.  We were the only people at the resort so it literally felt like we were the only people on this little island!  This was truly one of the most relaxing and peaceful breaks away from work and life.  The resort was beautiful and the food was delicious.  We spent our days relaxing by the beach and swimming in the ocean.

Bassin Bleu- this spring is 76 feet deep!  

After a few days at the resort we headed to another town outside of Jacmel.  We went to Bassin Bleu which is an area that has natural flowing springs with beautiful waterfalls.  We hired a guide to lead us on a hike through the mountain/forested area that surrounded the waterfalls.  As we hiked we saw several smaller springs with waterfalls.  The largest spring of water was 76 feet deep with a beauiful waterfall.  The guides helped to show us areas where we could climb and jump off the cliffs into the cold water.  We had so much fun swimming through the different pools of water and couldn't get over just how beautiful it really was.  This place was tucked back into the mountain where it could have easily been overlooked without the guides help.  This trip helped me to fall even more in love with Haiti.  Love that there are these little hidden places that are filled with such beauty that only God himself could create.

I have tried taking my camera to the village multiple times over the last few weeks to capture some of the adorable moments with my kiddos.  Typically I'd argue that they are not only the cutest little things ever but that they are pretty well behaved too.  These photos sort of capture the other side of their personalities.  Or maybe more truthfully just how little control I have over them somedays and how they are clearly not afraid of my threats when they don't listen.  Let's just say the children have been full of energy and maybe they too are sensing that the end of the school year is near because it has been impossible to capture their innocence with a camera! These are some of my favorite photos from the last several months that truly capture how chaotic some of my afternoons are=)

My face says it all.  I have no control what so ever.  

This is a typical Davidson face- he is letting me know that he isn't being
held...which is pretty much not acceptable!

Not sure who has more sass=)

Just another day playing with the kids...I mean why wouldn't
Davidson want to ride the turkey?!