broken

Generally speaking when I pray and talk to God I truly desire for Him to answer my prayers.  Of course there are those times when my prayers aren't answered and after some time--I'm typically thankful that God knows the big picture and that I'm not ultimately in control (ok, who am I kidding--not in control at all!).  Today was different though, today God answered a prayer that has been on my heart since May 28th, 2012.  A prayer that I have prayed every day since May 28th.  And for a moment when I realized that my prayer was answered--I was completely broken.  

I met Nathalie and her two little boys in the clinic on May 28th.  I remember E'tienne quickly finding me and saying there was a family that she met last February (2011), while serving on a short term medical trip with NVM.  E'tienne introduced me to Nathalie, Jonathan, and Josue and from the moment I met them I knew this family was special.  It wasn't an "accident" or "coincidence" that this family came to our clinic over a year later, while E'tienne was serving in the clinic, all the while Nathalie was in need of severe medical treatment. 

That day, I began learning about Nathalie's life. Nathalie's husband was killed in the earthquake and she was left widowed, pregnant, and solely responsible for caring for her toddler aged son. She was literally left alone with no family around, in a very family oriented culture. Before the earthquake Nathalie was receiving treatment at a hospital for TB, but she was unable to afford the treatment after the death of her husband and her pregnancy also complicated things.  So after many months of not receiving medical treatment Nathalie's health deteriorated to the point that when she first entered the clinic she weighed 57 pounds at the age of 23.  Her boys were both malnourished and it was completely obvious that something needed to be done to help this family.  Nathalie was faithful with follow-up appointments in the clinic but unfortunately after time and multiple exams it was determined that she needed more help than we could provide.  Aubree talked to Pastor Pierre and explained the situation--he agreed to meet with her and discuss options.

We came up with the decision to place the boys in our children's home so that Nathalie could go back to the hospital and get the care she needs. Nathalie knows that death is likely the outcome of her story, but knows she has been desperately hanging on and fighting for her boys. While talking to her she said that it is her obligation to care for her children and to know that they will be cared for if she dies.  

Today, I watched Nathalie make the hardest and most selfless decision ever.  She chose to place her children in the children's home--knowing that they would receive love, education, care, and most of all a consistent home regardless of her health. I watched as Nathalie sat stoically in the chair, she remained strong as she went through the paperwork. As I watched Nathalie hold her boys I was broken.  Broken because this isn't a decision a mother who loves her children should ever have to make. Broken because  Nathalie chose to give her boys the best, even though it did not feel right at them time. 

Tonight, I am also rejoicing because I also saw a glimpse of hope in her eyes--she knows her boys will be loved. Nathalie hugged both Aubree and I before she left campus and thanked us for giving her a chance to live.  

one year

"We are called to serve.  This life, your life, belongs to God and your strength is His strength." 

~Pranitha Timothy

I have many memories from September 1, 2011.  The car ride to the airport was long as I fought back tears trying to remain as calm as possible and confident that I was making the right decision- that God was actually calling me to Haiti.  I remember pulling up to the curb at the Indianapolis airport with my mom and sister Brandi.  The three of us stood there in tears knowing that there was nothing left for me to do but actually turn and walk into the airport.  They had dropped me off at the airport countless times and yet this time was different because I didn't have a return ticket.  Brandi said over and over that I wouldn't be staying for just a year.  I'm pretty sure my mom was praying that it would be just a year--or maybe that I'd come home even earlier.  And I was confident it would be just a year.  I'm thankful we didn't place any bets on what the outcome would be!  Today I have officially lived in Haiti for a year and I am not even remotely ready for my time here to be over.  As I left Chambrun today I was thankful I could say "a demen--see you tomorrow."  Here is to another year of living, serving, and loving the life God has called me to in Haiti.  

For more photos click on the link below.  You do not need to have Facebook to see the pictures!
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150963439915831.477242.529825830&type=3&l=f56fa81158

oh happy day!

"We cannot always do great things, but we can do small things with great love."

~Mother Theresa

The time has finally arrived!!  After months and months of practice, coaxing, and lots and lots of bribery....Davidson is walking!!  It wasn't an easy task teaching him to walk because he was completely content being carried and most everyone knows that unless it is his idea...well, he is just a tad stubborn!  My favorite part of him learning to walk were the daily reports from his grandmother on how much he stood or walked the evening before.  She would say--last night he stood up, the next day she would tell me he stood and then took a step, and then finally it was Brooke he stood up, walked a little, sat down, and stood up again--her voice filled with pride.  I have a feeling his new acquired skill of walking is going to keep not only his grandmother on her toes but also the entire village!  Below are videos the other kiddos helped me capture of Davidson showing off his new skill!

family

Yarley (sister), Madison( niece), Grandpa Leon, Grandma Eileen,
Caitlin (niece), and Mila (sister) at Easter

I'm now back in Haiti after spending two weeks in Indiana with my family.  I loved getting to see them and simply just be with them.  My trip home wasn't a planned one-- I bought my ticket early Sunday morning and then flew out Monday morning.  I love that I serve with amazing friends who value not only me but my family and that were 100% supportive in my decision to return home to spend time with my family as we celebrated the life of my grandfather.  They never once questioned "if" I would return home for the funeral but rather they asked when I would leave.  My grandpa was an amazing man of God and truly lived a simple yet impactful life to those around him.  He was a man of very few words (I didn't get that trait from him!) and yet when he did talk he typically had all of us entertained with stories from long ago when he was a child or in the war.  My grandfather left a legacy for each of his grandchildren and their families in his relationship with Christ and in his example as a Godly husband, father, grandfather, and friend.  I can't imagine not having him as a part of my life here on earth and yet I am happy that he is now truly at home in heaven.

Looking for fish at the lake with my sisters and nieces--Love them!

Going back and forth from Indiana to Haiti is hard for me.  When I leave Haiti I'm sad to leave my friends here and yet in the same way when I leave Indiana I'm an emotional mess at the reality of being away from my family and friends there.  God has blessed me with friends on both sides that welcome me each and every time and that are even ok with me when I'm an emotional mess.  I am grateful that He provides for each of my needs and that even the smallest detail of having friends greet me with hugs at the airport is met.

"Today is Brooke last day at home.  She is going back to Haiti.  Some day she will come back home!"
My niece Madison's surprise note for me the day I left--She knows how to break this Aunt's heart!

As soon as my feet were back on the NVM campus I knew I needed to make a quick trip to Chambrun to see my little friends.  I know I was only gone for two weeks but I can't explain just how hard that is for my heart.  I love those little ones=)  My friends in Chambrun have a way of making me feel beyond special and loved and were quick to start the fight over who got held first as they all came running to greet me.  I love that as I was in Indiana going through really difficult things that these friends were praying for me and my family.  They wanted to know how my grandmother was doing, my mother, father, siblings and so on.  In just a moment my world became so very small.   Having two different "homes" is really difficult and yet when those world's collide, even if it is for just a few moments, it is the most amazing experience ever.  My Haitian family is praying for my American family and vice versa my American family is praying for my Haitian family.  God is good.  I am blessed and humbled by the support from each person that makes it possible for me to live and serve here in Haiti.  Your prayers and support are truly what make it possible for me to follow this call that Christ has placed on my heart.

The perfect ending to my first day back in Haiti!

friends, graduation, and hard good-bye's

Grace Community high school team in Chambrun

I'm pretty sure I've said it over and over but I really love having friends come to visit and serve here at NVM.  This past week was a visit I had literally been counting down the days for.  Before moving to Haiti I volunteered at my church with the senior high students.  Serving at Grace is still something I miss, so having them here on campus was really good for my heart!  The team arrived in Haiti fully ready to jump right in and serve and love on each person they met.  They were truly the hands and feet of Christ and I loved watching as they processed and experienced each day here.  They started the day early with helping to run an English Camp on campus and would spend the afternoons sanding and painting in the hospital or new children's homes.  I thought they would be too tired to visit Chambrun in the afternoons, but they were unstoppable and would spend the late afternoon playing soccer, painting nails, and chasing around all the kiddos.  These high school students aren't just along for the ride and won't be the type that simply settle for the "American dream"---they are already changing the world and I can't imagine just what all God has in store for them in the years to come.   

Kindergarten graduating class!

Last Saturday was a HUGE day to celebrate on campus!!  Pastor said there are three reasons Haitians really go all out and celebrate (some parents even sell land, animals, etc in order to purchase the needed items for the event): weddings, funerals, and kindergarten graduation.  On Saturday the church was packed as everyone gathered to watch the graduation of the kindergarten class.  The students recited scripture, sang songs, performed skits, danced, and overall just looked completely adorable as they went through the program.  I loved watching the looks of pride and happiness on different family members faces as their students were recognized. The parents for each child chose to make sacrifices in order for the child to attend school.  They chose to place value on their child's education.  This is the next generation of teachers, doctors, nurses, policemen, and the list goes on and on.  I love that the accomplishment of graduating kindergarten is such a big deal. They are being propelled into the next several years of schooling with excitement and most of all a huge fan base of people that are cheering them on and praying for them.  

Mama Eunide (house mom for the children's home at NVM) with Widley and Martino

Widley and Martino (twins from the children's home at NVM) both graduated from Kindergarten and received an award for placing first and second in the entire class!  The NVM staff spent the evening celebrating at the children's home in Chambrun with a huge cake and lots and lots of coke and then of course some more music and dancing.  We went around the room and everyone said what they loved about Widley and Martino.  It was amazing to hear stories about how shy and quiet they were when they first came to the children's home a few years ago and to now see how God is shaping their lives.  I love watching as Mama Eunide cares for each of the children in the home.  She doesn't simply just "watch" them because it is her job, but rather she loves them like they are her own.  

They consumed plenty of sugar!  

Natacha and some of the food she prepared.

After graduation I was invited to my first Kindergarten graduation party!!  For weeks before the party I watched as Natacha prepared her home and heard all sorts of talk about what food she would prepare. She rearranged the table, chairs, and dish stand several times and by Saturday it was all spotless and beautiful.  We were fed some amazing food, along with bottles of coke, and of course there was music and dancing.  After we finished our meal at Natacha's, we were rushed off to another graduation party where we were again fed more delicious food.  The women in Chambrun are amazing cooks and I left the village beyond full!  The village was alive with excitement as everyone went from home to house and celebrated.  I felt completely honored to be invited to celebrate along with our friends and to be a part of this big day for their children.  

Aubree, E'tienne and I

I have been blessed to serve here in Haiti with Aubree and E'tienne.  We laugh because we live, work, eat, serve, and basically all breathe together.  There aren't too many moments that you won't find two out of the three of us together--and usually you will find all three of us together.  God truly blessed me with friends to process and grow with as I learn to live and work in Haiti.  Monday was a really hard day because Monday started the next phase for E'tienne.  As I watched her process and say countless goodbye's I was thankful that God has called me to be here longer.  I know that God has a plan for my friend and that no matter where she is He will use her to accomplish great things.  Campus really isn't the same without her here and we are already counting down the days until she comes back for a visit!

The last few weeks have been busy, but at the same time really good.  God is moving here and He is changing the lives of both the Haitians and volunteers that come to serve with NVM.  I feel blessed to have been called to live and serve here in Haiti.

"We have no right to decide where we should be placed, or to have preconceived ideas as to what God is preparing us to do.  God engineers everything; and wherever He places us, our one supreme goal should be to pour out our lives in wholehearted devotion to Him in that particular work.  "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might.." (Ecclesiastes 9:10)."

~Oswald Chambers

Around 10 months ago I left for Haiti on what I thought was going to be a year long journey of stepping out in my faith to serve where God was calling me.  Little did I know that this "journey" was just the start of something so much more.  In the beginning I struggled with leaving behind everything "normal" and the reality of having so very many new things to learn.  Adjusting to life in a new country while learning a new language and having everything that was the "comfort of home" removed was quite interesting.  Once I got over the hump of being overwhelmed at the reality of my new life I found that each and every day I started to fall more and more in love with life here.  The things I missed from home started to dwindle (ok, everything but family and friends..that part is still difficult) and instead I realized that I actually couldn't imagine life away from Haiti.

Life here is hard and yet it has so much purpose.  Most days are emotionally overwhelming when I list out the facts of each situation in my head and yet when I step back and let God take over and truly place my trust in Him I am amazed at just how possible each and everything is.  I love that God has put me in a position to meet countless women who are pregnant and others who have a line of children already.  I love that I have the ability to tease and rub on the pregnant tummies and that I get to see that mother month after month in the IDP (internally displaced persons) camp.  After she has had that little baby she comes searching for me, at the next camp, to show him or her off and to also let me know if my prediction of a boy or girl was right.  I feel blessed that God has given me the boldness to look a mother in the eye and say that I know this pregnancy wasn't planned, but that God has a plan for this child, this child is a gift, He will provide, and that I will pray for her and her family.

My favorite moment of each day is when I walk into the village and hear the children yelling my name while they race to see who gets the first hugs and kisses.  My little friends have a way of making me feel like I am the most cherished and special person they have ever met and it melts my heart each and every time.  The women greet me with kisses and are always quick to pull out a stool or chair so I can sit and visit at their homes while the children jump on and off my lap.  I cherish each afternoon I have in the village simply "being" with my friends.  Most importantly, I feel blessed because God has given me a heart for each person He has placed in my path.

For all these stories and so many more I've decided after much prayer that my time in Haiti won't be up in September as originally planned.  I have committed to serving here with Nehemiah Vision Ministries for another year (ending September 2013) or until I am called to serve elsewhere.  As overwhelmed as I am with the reality of living in Haiti longer, I am completely confident that this is where God has called me for now.  In order for me to live and serve here I need your support through prayer and financial assistance.  Below are specific areas where you can help.

*Prayer:  I truly believe God has called me to serve here and that the prayers from you are what not only keep me safe and encouraged but are also making a huge impact on the people I serve.  Please pray for wisdom that through each situation I will step back and allow God's plan to reign.

*Financial support:  I need your financial support in order to live and serve here.
-One-time gift.  Please write all checks to: Nehemiah Vision Ministries (tax deductible).  In the memo line write Intern 3 (my name can NOT be anywhere on the check) and mail to: Debra Smalley 7014 W. Yant St, Silver Lake, IN.  46982.  To make a one time gift online, please read below (monthly support) and follow the directions but instead of selecting monthly you will have the option of selecting one time gift.

*Monthly support:  I am committed to serving here with NVM for the next year, but also know that I will remain wherever God calls me until he redirects my path.  If you are interested in supporting me financially on a monthly basis please go to the following website http://www.nehemiahvisionministries.org/donationtype.aspx?t=missionaries and follow the steps.  Or you can go to http://www.nehemiahvisionministries.org and click (top left of screen) "donate now" and then select "missionary support" from here you will be able to select my name and fill in the remainder of the information.  If you have any questions please let me know.

*How to stay involved:
-Stories and pictures: Through my blog brookesmalley.blogspot.com or Facebook (Brooke Smalley).
-I am also planning to send a newsletter with updates every 3-4 months to keep those of you who aren't able to follow the blog up to date and involved in the work that God is doing through your prayer and financial support.
-In order to personally remain spiritually and emotionally fueled I plan to come home to Indiana every 3 months for a short break.  Serving here is hard on different levels and I feel that taking time to step back and be refueled myself will hopefully help me be better able to serve in the long run..and I have some amazing family and friends that I miss like crazy!  This all being said, I will have time to come and speak with your small group, church, women's group etc. if you are interested.  Please contact me at (brookes_00@yahoo.com) for more information.

I cannot thank you enough for joining me on this journey.  Your support through prayer and finances is what makes it possible for me to serve.  I love that God is using you to further His kingdom here in Haiti!

family

Haitian proverb:

"Se lanmou ki pou geri lanmou"

Love must heal love

When I first moved to Haiti I had a pretty long list of things I missed from home.  Each month came and went and many things such as not having television, limited food options, and the freedom to just go and do something started to feel less difficult to cope with.  The one thing that has remained really hard and emotionally painful is being away from my family and friends.  There is something about family that is just right.  Living in Haiti has always  left me feeling like I was being pulled in two different directions or like my heart is being asked to live in two separate worlds.  I love being with my family and in the same breath I love being in Haiti.  This past week my "worlds" finally came together when my mom, two of my sisters (Mila and Yarley), and a family friend, Cindy, came to visit.  Their visit wasn't about building something or starting a project, but rather they came to see my life here and to meet the people who have become family and friends to me.  As soon as they landed in Haiti the adventure began with making it through the airport and then through traffic out to campus.  I was worried they would be worn out from traveling all day, but Mila and Yarley instantly wanted to know when we would be able to head down to the village so they could meet Natamara, Davidson, Kris, and the list went on and on.  In that moment, I realized my worlds were already connected in so many ways because they too were in love with my little friends even though they had never actually even met.  They were gracious and spent each day following me along and truly loved and served each person they met.  We spent time working in the clinic, helped a team with VBS in a IDP (internally displaced persons) camp, played in the village with all my buddies, and even went to the beach for a day of fun.  It was more difficult than I could have ever dreamed to watch them all leave and yet at the same time I knew that they finally understood.  I am blessed to have a family that loves and supports me and so thankful that they were willing to step out of their comfort zones to come and join me in serving and simply living life in Haiti.  

Cindy painting lots of little toes during VBS

Mila and Yarley had no problem making lots of friends!

Mom knew how to overcome the language barrier right away!

Introducing my family to all my friends in Chambrun

Oh the fun of riding in the back of trucks!

bonne fete maman!

Mothers standing in church to be recognized--SO many moms!

Haitian Proverb:

"Pitit se riches malere-- Children are the wealth of the poor"

~One's hope and riches lie in the future of one's children~

Bonne fete Maman (Happy Mother's day)!  Today is Mother's day in Haiti and it is for sure a day to be celebrated.  During church all the moms were asked to stand in order to be recognized and it struck me--they are the mothers of the future generation of Haiti.  They are raising up the next generation of leaders, teachers, health care providers, mothers, and so much more.  With tears in my eyes I watched as a flower was pinned on each woman standing.  The mothers were so proud.  The children sang a song honoring all their mothers and it was beyond cute.  There was also a moment where the mother with the most children was recognized-- yes, one momma was the proud mother of 19.  The next woman had 16 children.  And then three women were tied at 11 children each.  Moms all around the world work incredibly hard to raise their children to be the best each of them can be--watching each woman in church stand with pride was a priceless moment for me.

Children singing to their mom's.  

For more pictures click on the links below:

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150963439915831.477242.529825830&type=3&l=f56fa81158

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150461677395831.422201.529825830&type=3&l=a6b4e88fb3

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150374500225831.405560.529825830&type=3&l=885a6310be

"We have no right to decide where we should be placed, or to have preconceived ideas as to what God is preparing us to do.  God engineers everything; and wherever He places us, our one supreme goal should be to pour out our lives in wholehearted devotion to Him in that particular work.  

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might..."(Ecclesiastes 9:10)." 

~Oswald Chambers

I read this quote a few weeks ago and haven't been able to quit thinking about it since.  It's something I believe 100% with my heart and yet have to really focus on practicing it each and every day.  It has been easy to get lost in the "busy" of the past few weeks but when I really stop to think about it I have met and served countless people that truly needed someone to hear them.  I was blessed to be able to serve with another amazing Mercy Ships team this past week.  During the week of providing care in the IDP (internally displaced persons) camps there was one moment that stood out the most to me.  The medical camp was in full swing and as I looked out over the tent I noticed that four out of the five nurses and providers, sitting in separate places, were all bowing their heads in prayer with each of their patients and translators.  This wasn't an "official" moment or time of the day that we were all supposed to be praying-- this was a moment that each individual felt called to pray for the person in front of him or her.  I had tears in my eyes as I sat and watched lives being changed right in front of me.  God isn't calling me to simply make it through the day or each task-- He is calling me to live each day in full devotion to what He has planned.  

"Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places 

where other people see nothing."

~Camille Pissarro

I love that I get to watch and listen as people come and serve on short term mission trips.  It's fascinating to see how they process what God is teaching them and showing them in Haiti.  One team member told me that she had challenged herself personally to look for hope and that as each day passed she struggled because she couldn't see it.  She saw people living in tents, lack of electricity or running water, mud homes, and so forth.  It wasn't until the last day that God opened her eyes.  She was looking for hope defined by the world's standards and real hope has nothing to do with the world.  Our hope is in Jesus.  He will provide.  He is what we need and He has everything we need and more.  When I choose to look at the world through Christ's eyes it is amazing just how much hope there truly is.  All of a sudden the impossible has no boundaries and hope is never-ending.

bitter-sweet

Sara working in the clinic

Today started out on a sad note-- I have loved having my friend Sara here for a week and today she left for home.  I loved getting to show her off to all my friends and for her to experience my life here.  I feel beyond blessed to have had two friends chose to leave home, family, work, and just life in general to come and visit me here in Haiti.  Sara had perfect timing for when I was in need of "home" and just time with my friend.

Eliana, me, Natacha, and Aubree all getting ready to cook!

Rainy season has jumped into full force this past week and because of this our clinic was slower than normal.  We all enjoyed a nap and then decided it would be fun to make some Haitian food!  I love Haitian food and really love learning to make it.  I've been learning to make Haitian sauce for rice and beans so I was super excited to add more food to the list of things I can make!  Natacha and the girls who work in the kitchen taught Aubree, Katie, and I how to make fried plantains and pikliz (like cole slaw only at least a thousand times better!).  We had a great afternoon simply being together in the kitchen.  We all laughed a lot and of course eating the delicious food was the perfect ending to our cooking adventure!

Fried plantains and Pikliz...SO good!

After cooking Aubree and I decided to make a quick trip to Chambrun.  We were greeted by all our little friends who were beyond excited to have us stop in when they weren't expecting a visit.  My little friend Landia found me immediately and pulled me down to her level so she could whisper in my ear "Brooke, I saw E'tienne today and I asked her where you were."  My heart literally broke and as I scooped her up I asked her if she knew just how much I loved her. 

Kris and Landia

 On the walk back to campus I thanked God for this very bitter-sweet day.  I am blessed to have a friend that would travel lots of miles and leave her own family to spend time with me.  It hurt watching her leave but it also felt right knowing that God is using her at home too.  God in complete faithfulness provided for me and gave me a great afternoon of fellowship in the kitchen and a very sweet ending to the day with the most sincere words that melted my heart and truly reminded me of why God has called me here.

dinner with friends

Haitian Proverb:

"Moun ki pa manje pou ko l' pa janm grangou- those who don't eat alone are never hungry."

Those who share will receive

Most days I spend my afternoons in the village playing, bathing babies, and just having fun being with my friends. Each and every day I'm humbled by how gracious my friends are to me and by their limitless love and generosity. Today, I was once again reminded just how blessed I am to be living in Haiti and in this community. E'tienne and I were asked to stay and join our friends for supper. On many different levels a meal here is a big deal. First, there is no electricity or running water, so imagine how easy it is to just "whip" up a meal that will take hours of preparation and time.

Natacha preparing supper.

Not only that, but most of our friends have barely enough food to meet the needs of their own family let alone guests. And let's be honest, we are guests that have food...plenty of food. It always makes my heart cringe to eat food that I know other people need more than me and yet, there is nothing more that Natacha wants in that moment than to serve us. So tonight we ate supper in Natacha's home. We were served our food on the two best dishes she has and we were prepared a feast of food that included chicken, vegetables, and sauce.

We drew quite the crowd as we sat at Natacha's table and ate the meal prepared for us...I suppose it isn't everyday that our little friends have two white girls in their home eating Haitian food=) Today, I was given not only the best food my friend had to offer but love and service to me. As I walked home I felt that God was reminding me that this is the pattern He has for me. I am to offer my best and am called to serve the people He has brought into my life.

I promise I didn't lick my bowl=)