more on letting go...

Photo taken by: Maya Laurent (www.mayalaurent.com)

"He has shown you, O man, what is good.  And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

Micah 6:8

When I first moved to Haiti I was planning to simply step out and take a break from my life in Indiana.  When I left I placed my car in storage, packed my belongings in rubber maid bins, and rented my home.  I was planning to return to that life.  After several months in Haiti I realized that God had a different plan for me and that His story for my life was far more than I could have ever dreamed or imagined.  For the last several months I've felt very anxious and overwhelmed at the "things" in my life and with trying to live in both Haiti and Indiana.  After lots of prayer and conversations with my family I decided it was time to let go of everything that wasn't part of me living in Haiti.  In a way that only God could orchestrate each and every detail was worked out perfectly.  Between my family and the Zachmann's my home was quickly cleaned and prepared to place on the market.  In just 24 hours the house had ten showings and a full price offer.  The reality of actually letting everything go has been hard because those things held lots of amazing memories.  Today my home in Indiana has a new owner and is no longer mine.  There really is no word to describe how I'm feeling right now and yet this life that He has called me to is so very right.  As emotionally crazy as this whole process has been it is also so freeing to know that I am no longer tied down to things and that I'm truly free to live and serve wherever He leads. 

kids will be kids!

All of my little friends love to take photos and recently they have found it even more entertaining to make videos.  They think it is absolutely hilarious to sing and dance for the camera!  Daniella (pink dress) and Kris (yellow dress) wanted to make a video of them talking to me.  Davidson is all boy and just recently decided that each and every situation calls for him to tackle anyone in his path.  Needless to say my initial idea of having a cute video of Daniella and Kris turned into complete chaos.  Love each of these little crazies! (translation for the video: let's talk, Anson (Davidson's other name) let them go, Davidson stop, lots of Davidson stop stop stop (ha!), Daniella and Kris tell me their names and how old they are)

just one more...

One of the most common modes of transportation in Haiti is the tap tap.  Tap taps are vehicles that run routes and operate similar to a taxi service.  People pay to ride the tap tap and they can choose to get off whenever they want.  Tap taps are known for being brightly painted with sketches of musicians or athletes and of course bible verses too.  There is a saying that in Haiti there is always room for one more. This saying proves to be completely true with the tap taps!  Personal space is for sure not even a thought as people, animals, and all sorts of supplies are crammed into the trucks and buses!  It isn't uncommon to see a tap tap with chickens tied to the side or goats hanging off the top and of course they are all alive.  When I ask my Haitian friends if it's dangerous to ride on the top of the trucks they just laugh and tell me not if you are used to it.  Looking at all the different tap tap's always makes for a fun trip to the market or just anywhere in general!

When the inside is full- feel free to add
things to the top and back!

letting go

For me this has been a season of learning to let go.  I've never been the person to necessarily want to live the "American dream" type of life but I've always had a picture in my mind of what I thought my life would look like.  When I first moved to Haiti my plan was to be here for one year.  God quickly made it clear to me that I would be here much longer.  I still felt "safe" with being here though because I had just enough ties connecting me to my old life in Indiana.  I still owned my house, car, and had plastic bins filled with things.  To me having all this "stuff" meant that eventually God would call me back to Indiana.  Back to that old life of living near my family and friends.  And maybe even more importantly to me, back to the life where I was physically, financially, and emotionally comfortable.  

Before moving to Haiti I read about poverty, knew the statistics, saw the pictures, and watched the news segments.  I had the head knowledge I thought I would need but my heart was so unprepared for what it truly meant to walk alongside those that I was called to serve.  I think part of me thought I would come here to help and to do the needed tasks.  Sure I would hold some cute babies in the process and maybe even learn some things culturally.  I knew it would be difficult but I didn't realize how much I would fall in love with those around me.  How much my heart would hurt for them.  They have become my family and friends so they are no longer just statistics to me or photos of random people.  Knowing them allows me to rejoice with them over baptisms, birthdays, and just normal everyday life.  Knowing them also means that I have an inside window into their hurt and struggles.  I have the opportunity to walk with them when life isn't easy and there appears to be no clear answers.  

Living here has changed me.  In so many ways I wish I could go back to my life before I moved to Haiti.  I wish I could fit back into life in the States but for at least now I know I can't.  I have realized that there was no way God was going to release my heart to leave Haiti in September as I had planned. In April I started to realize that God was also calling me to let go of the things that were "tying" me down to my old life in Indiana (more to come on this another time) and that He was preparing me for committing to another year of living in Haiti.  I'm surprised at how hard it has been to let go of the "things" and yet with each step I take it is both emotionally and physically freeing. 

I am now committed to serving with NVM in Haiti through September 2014.  As I prepare for my third year of serving in Haiti below are ways for you to remain connected and to continue to partner with me.  

*Prayer- I believe that it is only through God's call and prayer that I am able to live and serve here in Haiti.  I can't thank you enough for praying for me, the ministry I work for, and the people of Haiti.  

*Monthly support- to donate online http://www.nehemiahvisionministries.org/donationtype.aspx?t=missionaries and follow the steps.  Or you can go to www.nehemiahvisionministries.org and click (top left screen)  donate now and then select "missionary support" from here you will be able to select my name and fill in the remainder of the information.  You can also donate monthly by mailing a check to Debra Smalley (address in One-time gift).  Let me know if you have any questions!

*One-time gift- Please write all checks to Nehemiah Vision Ministries (tax deductible).  In the memo line write Intern 3 (my name can NOT be anywhere on the check) and mail to Debra Smalley 7014 W. Yant St., Silver Lake, IN.  46982.  To make a one-time gift online please follow instructions listed in "monthly support"- you will be able to select one-time gift.  

*Staying connected- For pictures and stories you can follow along through facebook and this blog.  Feel free to email me at brookes_00@yahoo.com for questions or to say hi!

I can't tell you just how much it means to me to know that you are on this journey with me- thank you for your prayers, support, and love as I continue to live and serve in Haiti!

worship

"Bless the Lord, O my soul

O my soul

Worship His holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship your holy name"

~10,000 Reasons, Matt Redman

One of the many things I love about the Haitians I serve with is that they sing as they work.  They don't just hum- they literally sing with all the strength they have in them.  It doesn't matter if they know all the words or if they have an amazing voice- they sing.  They sing out loud as they mop, prepare food, walk to the well for water, hand wash laundry, and the list is literally endless.  As I go about my days I find that He places songs on my heart.  Songs that speak to the brokenness and scream at the injustice.  The songs comfort and remind me that He is there and ultimately knows the bigger plan.  Life here is hard and it's not easy for me to be emotionally vulnerable or to really process things.  Over time the stories, faces, and moments- they add up.  I love how He is faithful and how He has chosen to speak to my heart.  When I sit and rock a toddler that is crying simply because he hasn't eaten.  When a two month old baby that weighs only 1.7 pounds is resting in my hands.  When I hear that hospital after hospital refuses to provide care for an infant because death is so near.  When eyes are empty and filled with such darkness.  When I can't come up with the words to even start a prayer- He places a song on my heart.  It's through a song that He reminds me of His goodness and sustains me in the moments I can't breathe.  It's in humming a song that He steadies my heart and hands to truly seek and serve Him.  

kites and cars

One of the things I love most about Chambrun is that there aren't toys and games scattered all over the place.  Most people would think it would be pretty depressing to see a child without the latest (insert name here) gadget and yet these kiddos are so creative and resourceful.  The children can take a pile of "trash" and turn it into treasures.  The little boys are known for making homemade kites and cars.  The kites are assembled with sticks, plastic bags (like Walmart bags that they tear), and random pieces of string tied together.  After hours of tedious and hard work the boys are beyond proud when their kites fly crazy high.  As a child I never remember being able to get my fancy store purchased kite off the ground--and their kites literally soar! 

Just recently I caught the boys making cars.  They loved showing them off to me and were really excited when I asked if I could take pictures of their cars!  They used everything from old plastic cartons, string, bottle caps, rocks, and so much more to assemble these cars.   They took such pride in their cars and worked so hard to make them.  It was fun to watch as the boys raced the cars up and down the dirt road. 

Seeking Him

"If you begin to live life looking for the God that is all around you, every moment becomes a prayer." Frank Bianco 

I haven't been able to get this quote out of my mind for the last several months.  And honestly, it couldn't be more true.  There have been so many moments lately where I have honestly had to mentally list where I see God in the event/story.  It's so easy to get lost in the daily tasks and busyness of life.  My prayer is that I'll take the time to stop and look for God.  That I won't get overwhelmed at the details and miss what He is already doing right in front of me.  Love the picture of having every moment as a prayer to Him.

Other ways to stay connected:
*In case you aren't on my newsletter mailing list (if you would like to be added to the list let me know!)- click on the link below to read more stories and see some super cute pictures of all my little friends!

http://www.ministryupdates.org/smalley

*For more pictures click on the link below.  You do not need to have a facebook account to see the photos!

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151398640175831.535019.529825830&type=1&l=0bc7d14df0

*Facebook:  Brooke Smalley

oh so beautiful!

Abaka Bay resort 

My days are usually spent working in the clinic and playing in the village.  At times it's easy for me to forget that I actually live on a Caribbean Island.  Several of my friends, that I live and serve with here at NVM, are transitioning back to the States in July.  We haven't traveled to any other parts in Haiti so we decided that a road-trip would be an excellent sort of last adventure together.  On Sunday we left Chambrun at a crazy hour of the morning to head towards Les cayes.  We then took a boat to Ile a Vache (translated- Island of Cows- and nope I didn't see any cows!) which is an island that is off the coast of Haiti.  We were the only people at the resort so it literally felt like we were the only people on this little island!  This was truly one of the most relaxing and peaceful breaks away from work and life.  The resort was beautiful and the food was delicious.  We spent our days relaxing by the beach and swimming in the ocean.

Bassin Bleu- this spring is 76 feet deep!  

After a few days at the resort we headed to another town outside of Jacmel.  We went to Bassin Bleu which is an area that has natural flowing springs with beautiful waterfalls.  We hired a guide to lead us on a hike through the mountain/forested area that surrounded the waterfalls.  As we hiked we saw several smaller springs with waterfalls.  The largest spring of water was 76 feet deep with a beauiful waterfall.  The guides helped to show us areas where we could climb and jump off the cliffs into the cold water.  We had so much fun swimming through the different pools of water and couldn't get over just how beautiful it really was.  This place was tucked back into the mountain where it could have easily been overlooked without the guides help.  This trip helped me to fall even more in love with Haiti.  Love that there are these little hidden places that are filled with such beauty that only God himself could create.

I have tried taking my camera to the village multiple times over the last few weeks to capture some of the adorable moments with my kiddos.  Typically I'd argue that they are not only the cutest little things ever but that they are pretty well behaved too.  These photos sort of capture the other side of their personalities.  Or maybe more truthfully just how little control I have over them somedays and how they are clearly not afraid of my threats when they don't listen.  Let's just say the children have been full of energy and maybe they too are sensing that the end of the school year is near because it has been impossible to capture their innocence with a camera! These are some of my favorite photos from the last several months that truly capture how chaotic some of my afternoons are=)

My face says it all.  I have no control what so ever.  

This is a typical Davidson face- he is letting me know that he isn't being
held...which is pretty much not acceptable!

Not sure who has more sass=)

Just another day playing with the kids...I mean why wouldn't
Davidson want to ride the turkey?! 

hello rainy season!

rainy season

I've said it over and over but in case you need to be reminded my favorite time of the day is after I'm finished working in the clinic and I head down the road to the village.  I typically don't make it too far from campus before I'm dripping with sweat and wondering why in the world I choose the middle of the afternoon (hottest time of the day) to walk the road to Chambrun.  

Rainy season has officially started which means that it can look beautiful and sunny one minute and start pouring the next.  The rain is a blessing because it takes away some of the dust and also cools the afternoons off a little.  It also brings with it the mosquitos which are less of a blessing.  It's crazy how it can go from the "dry season" picture to the "rainy season" picture (this is the exact same spot in the village) in a matter of thirty minutes.  Last Friday I was blessed to have Natacha's home to sit in while waiting for the rain to stop falling.  The children all teased that the rain wasn't going to stop and that I could just sleep in their homes.  They all were willing to share their beds and I joked that I would only sleep with the potty trained kids!  The rain eventually stopped and walking home was quite the adventure.  The water was at least four inches above my ankles and I knew the odds of me falling were incredibly high.  The entire village looked like a pond with houses that were in the middle of it- there was literally no dry ground.  Let's just say the children and adults both would never let me forget it if I fell!  When it rains the mud on the paths is literally like an ice skating rink.  It's impossible to walk with my flip flops so I typically end up carrying them and pray with each and every step that my feet don't step on the thorns, broken glass, and of course the donkey and goat droppings.  On this day my Haitian friends helped to form a line and we all walked or more truthfully slid down the path towards the road.  When I started to slip and fall they would pull me up and when they started to fall I would help them too.  We all had tears in our eyes from laughing so hard at our attempts to not fall.  Thankfully I made it back to campus without any foreign objects in my feet and without falling!

dry season (same path as above picture!)

mango fever

It's been mango season for several weeks now.  It's one of my favorite fruit seasons for many reasons.  One is that during mango season you can't drive down the road more than a few feet without seeing a small table piled high with mangos.  They are literally everywhere and they are super cheap!  If you aren't already convinced that my kiddos are the cutest things ever- you should see how absolutely adorable they are while eating their mangos!  There is something so precious and funny about watching them as they have mango juice dripping all down their arms, bellies, and faces.  Not to mention the crazy amount of the mango strings they get stuck in their teeth!  Love all the sticky hugs and kisses that mango season brings with it!

Davidson's sticky factor is out of control!  

Natamara is making sure she enjoys every last bite of her
mango by even cleaning off all the skin!

generosity

The kindergarten students with all the blankets!

One thing that continues to amaze and leave me speechless is how generous people are.  Not just my family and friends but people I don’t even know.  People who love and feel called to serve Haiti and yet aren’t called to actually live in Haiti or maybe even visit.  I am always surprised at how creative complete strangers can be.  There is a group of kindergarten students in Zionsville Indiana that practiced the skill of learning to tie by making the softest baby blankets for some of the infants we see in our clinic on campus.  These children have never been to Haiti and honestly, most will probably never come, and yet they have found a way to serve from home at the age of 5 years old.  

This sweet little baby fell right to sleep on her new blanket!

Little Bedshaina has the most precious laugh!  Love this sweet little baby!

There are several little babies that come to the clinic every two weeks for formula.  One mother is unable to breast feed her baby and there are a few other women who are raising babies that had mothers who died.   These infants weren’t thriving because the family members weren’t able to purchase the formula the babies needed.  At just a few weeks of age these babies were being fed sugar water and flour water along with mashed up food.  Several weeks ago our formula shelf was empty and both Aubree and I were wondering what we would do for the babies who were scheduled to come in the following week.  In a way that only God can provide another palate of formula was donated and a team was able to bring each and every can to us- just two days before we needed it. 

Johnny was in our malnutrition program (he graduated!) he
LOVED the formula!!

Stanley with a packet of Plumpy Nut!
Most of the kids can't wait and eat their first pack at the malnutrition appointment=)

In the clinic we have seen an increase of children that are diagnosed with malnutrition.  Each child and family has a story and many of the stories literally break us.  There is a group of people that has a heart for Haiti- especially the children of Haiti.  This group raised the needed funds to cover the purchase of a palate of Plumpy Nut (peanut based product that is used to treat children who have severe acute malnutrition), whole milk, and back-packs to help the parents carry the needed materials home.  In yet another way that only God can provide- we received a palate of Plumpy Nut (we were on our last box), that we were able to purchase in Haiti, on the exact day the kiddos had malnutrition appointments.  The story for each of these families is just beginning- the children are gaining weight and reaching developmental milestones.  Love watching God at work in each of the children!

Todeson knows that only good things are kept in his back-pack!

The list could literally go on and on.  I love nothing more than planning and organizing things so when I notice that things are running low- it makes me nervous and yet He is faithful.  Each and every week He meets the needs of our patients and for me too.  Sometimes I feel guilty because I have the privilege of knowing the names and faces of each of these children and families.  I get to receive the hugs and kisses and of course the best part is getting to hold and love on each of these children.  I love that God has called people from all over to work together in ways that only He could ever coordinate.  

Introducing D'Jerry!

 There are some families that are just extra special to both Aubree and I.  Cilianise is an amazing momma and is the first person to greet me each and every Sunday at church.  Nine months ago she was in the clinic because she had been sick.  I ran a routine pregnancy test on her and the results were positive.  I was completely overwhelmed for her because this would be her seventh pregnancy.  One of her sons, Jean, has Cerebral Palsy and she does everything possible to fight for this little one.  Just recently Jean was able to start physical therapy with another organization.  Cilianise works with him multiple times a day doing different exercises.  She works hard to make sure her children go to school and are cared for.  During her pregnancy, I loved getting to watch her belly grow and feel all the little baby kicks.  She had 3 girls and 3 boys and she said she was praying for another little girl.  For nine months I talked to the little "girl" in her belly telling her how beautiful she was and how excited I was to meet her.  Nine days ago Cilianise had her seventh child- a perfect little boy.  I was in Indiana when she had the baby and could hardly wait to get back and meet this little man.  The look on Cilianise's face when Aubree and I walked into her home this morning was priceless.  She was so excited to introduce us to little D'Jerry and of course we both thought he was absolutely perfect.  Love this little boy already and I've already called dibs on getting to hold him next Sunday in church!

back home again!

Back: my sisters Mila and Yarley.  Front: nieces Madison and Caitlin

I just arrived back in Haiti last night after a relaxing and wonderful two weeks with my family.  I was excited to have no specific "agenda" which meant I had lots of time to just sit and enjoy time with my family.  I played (and lost) lots of card games with my nieces Madison and Caitlin and of course spent lots of time cuddling my youngest niece Ava who is now 7 months old.  I was able to attend my oldest niece Madison's music concert and go to preschool with Caitlin.  I know I'm not partial or anything but I'm pretty sure my nieces are the cutest and smartest kids out there=)  I am blessed to have some amazing friends and loved getting time to see them.  I also was completely surprised  that I got to see E'tienne (she worked in the clinic with me during my first year in Haiti) who lives in New York but happened to be in Indiana while I was there.  Before moving to Haiti I volunteered with the youth group at my church.  I loved my high school small group and was so excited when I found out that Kelsey (my old co-leader) had planned a supper so I could see all the girls!  Needless to say the two weeks went extremely quickly.  I was sad to leave my family and yet I was also really excited to get back home to my Haitian family.  As I was boarding the plane yesterday I felt completely blessed.  I love that I have a home in Indiana and another in Haiti!

My niece Ava!

E'tienne and I