family

Davidson, Dania (mom), and Daniella

Haitian proverb:

"Se anpil dlo ki lave kay te- It takes a lot of water to wash a mud hut." 

(It can be difficult to change ones ways.) 

There is something that most people who visit here would probably never guess.  I used to dread visits to the village.  When Aubree, E'tienne, or Leslee would suggest walking to the village in the afternoon, I simply would go along out of obligation.  I was overwhelmed with the language, I didn't know very many people, and honestly the culture just confused me.  I loved holding and playing with the kiddos but after 15-20 minutes I was ready to leave.  I typically left angry and frustrated.  I didn't understand what I saw and I didn't understand the dynamics of the families that we visited.  

I remember when Davidson was a little baby.  When I visited the village I would find him sitting outside of his house naked and covered in mud.  Typically he was crying and just appeared to be hungry.  When I scooped him up he would cuddle in and fall asleep.  He lived in his grandmothers home along with his mother (Dania) and sister (Daniella).  After a few months his mother, sister, and him were all kicked out of the home because his mother wasn't feeding them or caring for them.  Several months later we started to hear about how sick Davidson was.  How he was puking acid and how his entire body was swollen.  In January of 2012 his grandmother took him and his sister back into her home.  It was then that he started to come to the clinic each morning, we'd spend the day taking care of him, and each evening we would walk him back to the village.  

Davidson and his grandmother

I don't remember exactly what day but it was, but one of these trips God caused me to feel at home in the village.  In the beginning I was very firm with myself at setting limits about how emotionally vulnerable I would be with this family.  I would support them and encourage them, but I would not fall in love with this family.  I would not allow myself to be hurt by this family or dream of simply running off with Davidson and making him my own.  I proceeded to visit this family each and every day and little by little, He started to break my heart for them.  Little by little He started to heal the anger I felt towards this family.  I wish I could say that I always thought kind thoughts about Davidson's family, that I trusted them, or always treated them with respect.  I didn't.  It wasn't easy loving them.  Loving them meant flipping every definition I had of family upside down.  Loving them meant removing each and every brick around my heart.  And loving them meant I had to allow God to heal the anger I felt towards them.  I had to learn to love them in their brokenness.  I couldn't change them but I could walk beside them.  

It was during one of these visits that I became a part of their family.  I don't know when it happened, but somewhere I changed from setting personal boundaries to literally jumping in head first.  I started to see this family in a new light and I realized just how much they were really fighting for each other.  I watched as his grandmother would divide a small piece of bread between Davidson, his sister, and her other granddaughter who also lived in her home.  I watched as she lovingly held Davidson as he napped.  I rejoiced with them when he learned to walk and as he started to talk.  Each and every afternoon Davidson would literally come running to greet me.  My heart broke when his cousin and other people would tell me that he didn't run to greet Dania (Davidson's mother).  Dania would visit occasionally but not enough for him to see her as his mother.  

Daniella

One afternoon Daniella (Davidson's sister) whispered a secret into my ear.  Davidson and Daniella's mother was pregnant.  I left the village defeated.  I couldn't talk about her pregnancy and cried for a week.  It was then that I realized I was still angry with Dania.  I was angry at her for not feeding Davidson for days on end.  I was angry that she quit him.  And most of all I was angry that she held the title I wanted so badly for this boy of "mother."  I didn't understand how I could be so angry towards someone that had created two of the children I loved so deeply.  God started to show me that it wasn't my place to judge Dania or to proclaim what she was doing right and wrong.  It wasn't my job to mentally calculate how impossible it would be to divide the resources for yet another mouth that would need to be fed and a body that would need to be clothed.  This wasn't my decision.  Jesus was once again simply calling me to love her.  And so I started to intentionally seek her out when I would see her in the village or on the road.  I would lovingly tease her about the new baby and I tried to spend extra time with her.  

In July, Dania delivered her third baby- a beautiful baby boy who after several weeks (and several different names) was officially given the name Woodensky.  He is perfect in every way.  I waited for three weeks to finally meet this little boy and oh was it worth it!  Dania was so excited to hand him to me and I simply sat and just stared at how perfect he was.  It was then that Dania told me something that truly spoke to my heart- she said, "My family told me you ask for me everyday. They said you ask about how I am doing and how the baby is doing."  Loving this family hasn't been easy.  Honestly, it's been really messy and some days it hurts a lot.  And yet, it is so beautiful.  

Daniella, Davidson, me, Woodensky.  I think I'm officially outnumbered!  

He has captured my heart already!