becoming thankful

Lately I've had a really difficult time feeling thankful.  I know, that doesn't sound kind or grateful or even very "Christian-like."  But if I'm going to be honest- I'm just not feeling it.   It wasn't until I read one of my devotions for this week that I finally realized why I was struggling with joining in on the "thankful parade" that starts every November.

"A thankful mind-set does not entail a denial of reality with its plethora of problems.  Instead, it rejoices in God, my savior, in the midst of trials and tribulations.  

He is my refuge and strength, an ever-present and well-proved help in trouble." 

(Jesus Calling).  

This month I met a little boy, Yves Adler, who at the age of 20 months weighed just 17 pounds.  His body was completely swollen as the result of being severely malnourished.  This little boy barely had the energy to sit.  He was immediately placed in our malnutrition program and was provided with the needed nutrition (whole milk, fortified rice/beans, and Plumpy Nut, a fortified peanut butter for severely malnourished children).  For days I couldn't get rid of the sensation of what it felt like to hold his little lifeless body in my arms.  My fingers literally enclosed the spaces between each of his ribs.  His mother tried to fight for him.  She tried to be brave and she did everything we asked.  In the end, Yves Adler was too sick.  His body wasn't able to recover and he died in the hospital.  His mother called me to let me know about his death.  The only words that I could say to her was that I was praying for her. I told her I know she was a great mother and that I know she loved her son.

I guess in my mind, choosing to be thankful was simply covering up how I really felt.  In order to be thankful I would have to lie about how I'm honestly feeling.  I would have to make up a pretty story to cover up the truth.  And the truth has shaken me.  Honestly, I just want to be angry at the level of injustice that keeps hitting me in the face.  I want to scream.  And yet, during my quiet time God used my devotional to let me know that where I'm at is OK.  That being thankful isn't simply glossing over the reality of life, but rather it's more about looking for Him in the midst of it all.  Because He is there.  In each and every detail of Yves Adlers story, He is there.  I am thankful that God allowed Katherine and me to meet Yves Adler and his mother.  I am thankful that He allowed us to encourage her and help her fight with dignity for her son.  I am thankful that even though Yves Adler didn't live, his mother was given a chance to provide him some type of comfort in his last days. This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for my Savior who now holds a resting Yves Adler.

november newsletter!

The November newsletter has finally been mailed!  Click the link below for the web version of the newsletter.  Let me know (brookes_00@yahoo.com) if you would like to be added to the mailing list!

 http://www.ministryupdates.org/smalley

And just in case you want to see more photos- click on the links below!  

(you do NOT need a fb account to see the pictures!)

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151772100740831.1073741825.529825830&type=1&l=d2a7345c72

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151398640175831.535019.529825830&type=1&l=9bd9939164

one momma

Elimene (30yr old, 69#) and Bedshaina (3months old,  7.72#)

Each and everyday there are a line of people waiting outside the clinic to be seen by our Haitian physicians and clinic staff.  The patients range in age from just a few days old, all the way up to the really old looking patients who honestly have no clue what their ages are!  There are many people who simply pass through the clinic.  People I probably won't ever see again.  And then there are some who become so much more than just a "patient."

I remember the day I met Elimene.  Aubree and I had started triaging patients when I noticed her and her young daughter sitting by themselves outside.  Elimene was so small and fragile looking.  I called them inside and it was then that I literally felt myself breaking for this family.  It took all the strength Elimene had to walk into the clinic while carrying her three month old little girl.

At thirty years of age Elimene weighed sixty-nine pounds.  Yes, 69 pounds.  She lived at home with her husband, an eight year old daughter, and a three month old little girl, Bedshaina.  During Elimene's second pregnancy her husband threatened to leave her and their first child.  There wasn't enough money to make ends meet with just the three of them let alone with another baby on the way.  Towards the end of her pregnancy Elimene became very sick.  She became so sick that she was barely able to walk or carry her newborn daughter. And yet she continued to fight for her baby and chose to breastfeed her daughter.  While we are 100% advocates of breastfeeding we knew that breastfeeding was literally killing this momma.  This momma needed more nutrition in order to survive. We committed to walking alongside Elimene and Bedshaina until Bedshaina's first birthday.  We committed to providing them with rice packs, whole milk (for Elimene), and infant formula for Bedshaina every two weeks.  We still encouraged Elimene to breastfeed, to keep that bond with her sweet little girl.  But we also provided her with formula to help supplement what her body wasn't able to provide.

Elimene (70.48 pounds) and Bedshaina (5 months and 10 pounds!)

I used to break when I would see Elimene walking towards the clinic.  Emotionally I couldn't handle seeing her.  And yet, I was drawn to her.  Drawn to love her and drawn to hug her.  There was something special about this mom.  There was something different about her.  She never asked me for anything besides what the malnutrition program provided.  She didn't ask for money or clothing or any other random thing.  She loved her daughters and I knew that if she was willing to fight for her health and for her family- then we would be willing to partner with her on that journey.  Both Aubree and I prayed for this mom and her little girl.  We prayed for her entire family too.  

I don't remember what day or month it happened, but there was a day when Elimene walked into the clinic and for some reason I didn't just want to cry.  She looked good.  Really good.  Her body had been transformed.  I remember thinking thank you Jesus because that was the only answer and reason that any of this was actually possible.  It was a privilege to watch Elimene not only grow in weight, but in confidence and in respect for herself.  She went from a mom who would sit in the back corner by herself, to this mom who would sit right in the middle of all the other mommas and visit with them.  She laughs now too. It isn't an awkward laugh, but rather a laugh that comes from her heart.  Recently she told me that she saw some of her husband's family and they were shocked at how well she looked.  She said, "I simply looked at them and said God is faithful."  

I still get teary eyed when I think about this journey with Elimene and Bedshaina.  God has truly allowed Aubree, Katherine, and I to watch a miracle unfold before our eyes.  He has forever changed this family and in so many ways we too have been forever changed and impacted by them.  In October, Bedshaina celebrated her first birthday!  As we sang happy birthday to her and gave lots of hugs and kisses, my emotions were all over the place.  Mentally, I knew that once Bedshaina turned one she would graduate from the program.  I forgot to tell my heart all of this.  I might have even made Katherine keep them in the program an extra two weeks just so I could see them one more time!  I know that I'm going to miss seeing this family every two weeks, and that our malnutrition appointments won't be the same without them present.  I love that Elimene wasn't just a random patient that walked through our clinic but that she truly became a friend to me.

Elimene and her daughters

Bedshaina (103 pounds!!) and Elimene (15 pounds!)

fun with math

Just because today is Saturday doesn't mean Katherine and I gave the kids the morning off from doing school work!  Even though we didn't have any paper, ink pens, or pencils we were able to practice our addition and multiplication facts.  The kids each quickly claimed an area on the wall of the house and used pieces of charcoal to write out the problems we gave them.  They even wrote out problems for Katherine and I to solve, thankfully I think we both passed the test.  Daniella was "creative" enough to climb up as high as she could possibly go to write out her problems.  Thankfully she didn't fall and break any of her limbs!  Not wanting to be left out, the younger kids used small sticks and made designs in the dirt- I'm sure they thought they were doing math problems too=)  Who would have thought practicing math could be this much fun!

Notice Daniella standing on the wall=)

saturday morning fun!

Saturday mornings in Chambrun have always been my favorite time of the week.  I love getting up early and walking down to the village.  There is something so peaceful about passing the women on the road with their donkeys fully loaded for market.  The weather is actually enjoyable and not as hot and humid as the afternoons.  And there is something extra special about being there when the kids first wake up.  Today was an extra special time of visiting the kiddos because Aubree is here for the week so she came along too.  Aubree moved back to Indiana three months ago and the kids were all beyond excited to have her back for a visit!  She decided to be a little daring and brought a new game along to teach the kiddos.  I am not going to lie, I completely doubted her "great idea" of teaching the kids to play Hungry Hungry Hippos.  I knew that more than likely this new game would lead to complete chaos.  The kids aren't used to having toys/games so keeping the pieces together and trying to be fair with who gets a turn etc is a lot of work!  The kids were intrigued as soon as they saw the game and instantly wanted to help assemble it.  They actually took turns and none of the marbles were swallowed!  They laughed and were amazed at how quickly the hippos "ate" the marbles and wanted to play the game over and over.  I'm still amazed at just how well behaved the kids were and how eager they were to share and take turns.  They loved the game and I know that they will be requesting to play it again soon!  I never dreamed I'd spend my Saturday morning playing Hungry Hungry Hippos in Chambrun!